THE EMOJI MOVIE Blu-ray Review

THE EMOJI MOVIE (Blu-ray + Digital)

Release Date: October 24, 2016

Studio: Sony Pictures Home Entertainment

Video: 1.85:1 1080p Widescreen

Audio: English DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1, French (Canada) Dolby Digital 5.1, Cantonese Dolby Digital 5.1, Korean Dolby Digital 5.1, Mandarin Dolby Digital 5.1, Spanish Dolby Digital 5.1, Thai Dolby Digital 5.1

THE RATINGS

The Movie Itself - ½ ✰ ✰ ✰ ✰

Video Quality - ★ ★ ★ ★ ½

Audio Quality - ★ ★ ★ ★ ✰

Special Features - ★ ★ ½ ✰ ✰

Overall - ★ ★ ✰ ✰ ✰

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THE FILM ITSELF Our Reviewer's Take
Brace yourselves.

Reviewed by Gavin King

Horrible. Excruciating. Ghastly. Laughable. Putrid. Inconsistent. Lazy. Tepid. Cliched. Cheesy. Generic. Groan-worthy. Awful. Infuriating. Convoluted. Confusing. Awkward. Yawn-inducing. Retched. Cynical. Confusing. Apply any negative adjective fitting enough in the book, and it would fittingly apply to The Emoji Movie, a truly sad excuse to milk out the idea of Emojis existing in a motion picture before the next big Hollywood studio steals the pride. But... but Gavin... Sony Pictures Animation has made some good movies! You know, like that new Smurfs one you loved! And even Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs! No, no, no. That doesn't matter a single bit, bud. Hell, it could have been made by Illumination (an animation studio you all know I'm very fond of) and I still would have vented my rage out until my voice box is torn to shreds. (Not that this movie makes me hate Smurfs: The Lost Village or anything like that. Because those movies are still really good. But that's besides the point here.) When the trailer hit YouTube a good few months back, it was instantly bombarded with an unbelievable amount of dislikes to likes and hate-filled comments ranting on Sony's take on the Emoji. And, boy, did it ever deserve it. Sure haters are going to have different points of view on why they so very much disliked the movie, but there is a damn good reason this is sitting on 10% on Rotten Tomatoes. It's that bad. The film is a pathetic, lazy "f--k you" to moviegoers everywhere who earn their hard-earned money so deservedly... and it all comes down to this bullcrap. Granted, not every movie is going to be a Francis Ford Coppola-helmed masterpiece with absolutely gorgeous cinematography and artistic, deep, and memorable dialogue, but it at least has to be competent. The Emoji Movie is not that movie. In fact, far from it. It is so dependent on relying on the stereotypical Hollywood animated movie cliche that it practically turns itself into a Rifftrax-esque laugh-a-thon where the commentary of people making fun of the movie is funnier than the real thing. (As if the movie was funny in the first place. Which it is absolutely not.) So please, sit back, relax, grab your popcorn and soft drink, and revel in my colorful ranting on The Emoji Movie. Oh, and don't forget to buckle the hell up. Because it ain't going to be pretty.

More than just "Meh", in this case...

Wellp, here's my attempt at a plot synopsis: A high school kid named Alex (voiced by Jake T. Austin) is obsessed with his smartphone. He's got a crush on a girl in his class named Addie (voiced by Tati Gabrielle) and believes the best way to show his feelings to her is through the "power" of emojis. Little to his knowledge, there's a secret world inside his phone called Textopolis where emojis of all kind do their job. For example, the crying emoji has to cry consistently, the laugher laughs, you get it. (Redundant, ain't it?) Among these many emojis is Gene (voiced by T.J. Miller), one who's supposed to be a "meh" emoji but has a malfunction where he cannot help but express different emotions such as love, laughter, etc. He tries to be his "meh", but he can't help it; his desire to step beyond his usual purpose gets the best of him. So when it's his turn to be "chosen" by his user Alex to be sent on the phone, he screws it up and all hell breaks loose. Alex is convinced that his phone is malfunctioned and he's sending it to a nearby phone dealer to wipe out all of his data, which obviously is a threat to Textopolis. So Gene recruits a few pals such as the Hi-5 emoji (voiced by James Corden) and a hacker emoticon.... goddamnit, the movie isn't even remotely interesting to recap!

The Emoji Movie absolutely epitomizes the generic animated feature film structure at its most bare-bones and lowest-common-denominator. I wouldn't be surprised if the filmmakers sat at the meeting table discussing the film with a legitimate "book of cliches" sitting right in the middle of the table just because the employees aren't paid enough to come up with smart, inventive ideas. It is a vapid, hollow shell of a film that almost feels like a low-rent knock-off of Wreck-it Ralph, Inside Out, and The LEGO Movie combined. And each three of those films are monstrously more enjoyable in direct A to B comparison. To add on to the headache-inducing groan of the experience, the amount of plot holes / devices in the story that're just whizzed on by the sound and color are strikingly baffling. Look, maybe I'm exaggerating a bit, but it's the hard truth. So, instead writing a huge paragraph bloating the film's continuity issues that will likely give me a migraine just thinking about, I refer you to the list I've set below of some of the film's most prominent embarrassments that stick out like a sore thumb. Here goes nothing:

1. So, Alex wants to show Addie his true feelings, right? And with emojis, correct? So, when he's ready to confess, why in the name of Sweet Mother Celestia does he send the girl a Meh emoji?! Hey, buddy, shouldn't you be giving her that heart one... oh, wait, I forgot! We have to send Addie a meh because we need a plot somewhere! If we just sent her the heart emoji, everything would be happily ever after. But nope! Let's force a hollow plot in this piece of garbage somewhere, and make it as phoned-in as possible so these characters go on a rote, recycled journey from every single animated movie ever. It's not like the kids would care, right?!
2. Why in God's name would a kid of Alex's age have the Crackle app (an incredibly cheap movie streaming app with practically no blockbuster movies at all)? Oh... damn it, I'm blanking again. We need this thing to be as cost-efficient and simple on us as possible. So let's take an app provided by the Sony company (Sony made the movie, btw) and stick it in Alex's phone. Hey, I heard Netflix won't sue you guys if you just ask them permission.
3. Why does Gene, the "meh" emoji, have a name, but everyone else is referred to as their actual "emoji" names (ex. Hi-5, Smiler, Poop, etc.)? Is it because he's the main character and he matters so much more than the others that he needs to have a name so the audience won't go unconscious? Sigh... (And forget that Wyldstyle rip-off! Like she matters!)
4. When Alex is led to believe that his phone is malfunctioning and takes it to the phone dealer to get it fixed, is the audience really going to believe that he'll just get his phone fixed by the employee with the flick of a wrist? Shouldn't the girl working there ask him, "Hey, bud, where are your parents?" or, better yet, before he gets his phone worked on, ask "What's wrong with your phone?" Continuity matters here, people!
5. To add on to the whole phone dealer fiasco, when Alex changes his mind at the very last minute that he wants his phone back the way he had it in the first place, you really expect us to believe the fact that the phone just resets itself, Alex's memory and all, back to the way it used to be?! Phones don't work like that, bud; once you get it restored, it's gone. For Luna's sake, this movie is contrived as hell.

The Loser Lounge... where the screenwriters of this movie hang out.

There's more where that came from, sure, but the fact that the writers are this lazy and undemanding to go with the flow of these contrivances is absolutely disillusioning. If this is the way big-budget Hollywood studios are going to ride with for the next few years when it comes to fleshing out stories on scripts, then don't be surprised if box office numbers start tanking, Rotten Tomatoes and Metacritic scores stoop down to dramatic lows, Blu-ray releases at stores sit on shelves collecting dust for ages, and, most disheartening of all, moviegoers begin to picket Hollywood for the lack and dearth of original, fluid, and honest storylines in modern filmmaking. The Emoji Movie is the nightmare that we wish we wouldn't have had, the movie where hopes for more original, valid, and hardworking ideas in the industry slowly crawl to a halt. It's truly upsetting to say the absolute least, even more so that general moviegoers are legitimately falling into the ever-so-gullible trap of bright colors and loud sound and each of those superficialities that mask the film's fatal flaws. It's the cinematic equivalent of a Trojan horse, where mainstream audiences see the word "Emoji" which in turns guarantees entry into the auditorium door only to be pulled a prank on by bafflingly lazy writing, completely uninspired character personality traits, phoned-in dialogue exchanges, recycled and facepalm-worthy yuks, and, of course, every single animated movie cliche in the damned book.

The entire film is built around fatigued, groan-inducing, and painfully derivative plot devices as well as standby animated movie cliches that not only slog the movie's pace but also make it borderline unwatchable for the audience who's dealt with the same bullcrap millions of times already. There's the main character (Gene) who wants to "fit in" with the rest of his tribe and tries not to be such an "outcast". There's the comic relief side character (Hi-5) who's only there to crack a "silly joke" every 5 seconds. There's the heroine (Jailbreak) who abandons her rebellious lifestyle to tell the male hero he's "cool just the way he is". There's the maniacal villain (Smiler) who yearns to put a stop the film's heroes in a "wipe 'em out" way. It's frankly almost bewildering how a movie this mundane can get made, and how a slick animation studio like Sony Pictures Animation can allow it to snowball into such a pile of hollow infuriating incompetence. Even kids are likely to receive blank stares as they suffer the mess; it's not their fault they've heard jokes about poop for the millionth time.

As far as I'm concerned, it's an embarrassment for everyone involved. I am not using that Cop-Out excuse that states, "Oh, well if it's from Sony Pictures Animation, at least they tried." No. This is not trying. Extremely far from it, to be blunt. It's mindlessly jumbling a bunch of cliched plot elements into a convoluted stew that ends up leaving quite the unpleasant taste in the mouth after a few sips. Might as well just call it "Animated Movie Cliches: The Movie" because of how blatant and laughable they are on screen. If Sony Pictures Animation is going to get their act together come their next animated movie, they had better step their game up good. Because if this is an example that's going to be set by the studio for years to come, now would be a good time to make a prayer to the Hollywood gods.

Oh... and, yep, you guessed it, the movie ends with a dance sequence.

THE EMOJI MOVIE Blu-ray - Video Quality

The Emoji Movie at least looks fine on Blu-ray. It's not the top animated movie high-definition presentation out there - to be sure, a majority of the film's designs are digital world-based, hence the very smooth textures - but it should still please its fans with the expectedly bright, shiny colors and well-rendered details. It's quite difficult to give superlatives to such a horrible movie, but blame the Blu-ray presentation, not me. The coloring here is rather bold and vibrant to my eyes, lacking nuance to be fair but delivering Emoji yellows, Textopolis blues, Candy Crush pinks and greens, and more with as much vigor and saturation as the 1080p horsepower can allow. Some of the less cheery shades in the real world - Alex's classroom, for example - still protrude some surprisingly natural color realism, recreating hues just as they would look like in the real world. Details, again, are a bit smooth by creative intent, but keen viewers will notice little digital pixels inside the phone, extremely fine bits on Emoji faces, and building structures in the city, as well as some other well-rendered pieces across the runtime. Black levels are surprisingly well-toned, and there aren't any noticeable compression artifacts to speak of. It's a shame, then, that such clean and colorful animation is wasted on garbage like this.

THE EMOJI MOVIE Blu-ray - Audio Quality

The Emoji Movie's DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1 lossless soundtrack delivers as expected. Like the video, it's by no means groundbreaking stuff, but it's still clear and concise, and does create an immersive atmosphere at several junctures. The speaker arrangement gets a nice, if not boat-rocking, workout when the big action moments come into play, as digitally-empowered elements inside the phone spring to solid life with decent enough bass and consistent surround envelopment to satisfy. Music enjoys a similar placement in the soundstage, with crisp notes and beats in both original score and popular smash hits saturating the stage well. Ambience helps to create a slightly more sublime atmosphere to the film's environments, whether in the real world outside Alex's school or in the digital smartphone suburbia where vehicles, helicopters, and characters maneuver from speaker to speaker in a believable, fairly tangible way. Dialogue is consistently sharp and clear in the center-front positioning with the necessary prioritization effect when the scene calls for it. A good soundtrack for an awful movie.

THE EMOJI MOVIE Blu-ray - Special Features

- Director & Animators Commentary I'm actually curious who would listen to a commentary for this movie? They really think adults would be Emoji fanatics and pick this Blu-ray up? Wasted opportunity much...

- Puppy! An Original Hotel Transylvania Short Much more enjoyable than the movie itself, this sort-of teaser for Hotel Transylvania 3 sees the series' characters facing the trials and tribulations of owning a huge mutt in the house.

- Jailbreak Decoded: The Untold Story A deleted scene animatic that's a backstory for Jailbreak's original life as a Princess Emoji.

- Good Vibrations: Dance Along This one pretty much speaks for itself.

- Gimme a Hand! Guess the Emoji Game Don't be fooled; this is NOT interactive. It's instead a video of a couple kids playing an Emoji guessing game. Just goes to show the lack of effort on this thing...

- Express Yourself: Meet the Cast As the title suggests, this is a featurette that reveals the voices behind the film's characters.

- Sweet App-Etite: Make Your Own Candy Crush Saga Cake The title of this one pretty much explains it all; this shows how to make a Candy-Crush inspired cake.

- Girls Can Code! Jailbreak's Anna Faris introduces us to some female coders in a coding class.

- Choreographing Emoji With Matt Steffanina Dance choreographer Matt Steffanina gives details on how he created different dance moves for Gene, Hi-5, and Jailbreak for the Just Dance sequence.

- Creating the World Inside Your Phone Takes a brief look at the production design for the world of Textopolis, the "wallpaper", and more.

- Bringing Emojis to Life Inside look on character designs for Emojis.

- How To Draw Poop ...no comment.

- How To Draw Gene (a.k.a. how to draw the stereotypical animated movie character)

- "Good Vibrations" Lyric Video Sing along!... er, whatever.

- Previews for additional Sony features.

THE EMOJI MOVIE Blu-ray - Overall Recommendation

The Emoji Movie is absolutely terrible, but you already knew that, whether as evidenced through my intensive rant on it above or by the appropriate shunning the internet culture has made in the wake of the film's laughable subject matter. Frankensteining a movie about Emojis is one thing, sure, but if you're going to completely bastardize it with cheap dialogue, exhaustingly repetitive "jokes", recycled plot elements, and coat it without even a lick of creative intention, then you all pretty much asked for the hate. It is a cynical mess because it lacks wit, heart, courage, or innovation, and is guaranteed to make the poor parents forced to watch the drivel groan and check their watches in utter despair. And that's for an 86-minute runtime, damnit! Boring, unoriginal, excruciating, dull, and practically lifeless in every sense of the term, The Emoji Movie just might be the most painful movie watching experience I've had to endure all year. And the most disheartening aspect of it all is that rubbish like this makes more money than truly passionate animated films like My Little Pony: The Movie and Kubo & The Two Strings. Just let that pain sink in for a little bit. Sony's Blu-ray is fine for fans, with clean video, mostly problem-free audio, and a handful of fluffy, kid-oriented supplements. Unless you're the biggest fan of the film (and if you enjoyed the movie, I'm happy for you, because I sure as hell didn't), avoid this vacuous shell at all costs. Stay away no matter how low the price.

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